Ride the Wave

You know what’s really hard about being human? 1. The fact that we have to live on the same planet as mosquitos and 2. You can do all the right coping skills, all the right lifestyle choices, all the self-care, and crap still happens to you. This is something that is wildly outside of our control and also, the biggest spoiler alert in scripture. We are guaranteed suffering on this side of Heaven. Period. No matter how well we live, how kind we are to the mailman, the willpower you showed when you didn’t throw shade at the teachers when they decided it was a good idea to have a Spirit Week on the last week of school, the curse words you swallowed, or the amount you volunteer. No one escapes hurt.

I’m a big fan of managing the hard times with a hopeful mindset, self-compassion, and coping skills so that the shadow doesn’t feel heavier than the light. It’s quite literally what I spend my day teaching whether it’s in front of a group, in my counseling office, at our supper table, or in the mirror- we have some agency in how we manage the hard times. We get to choose Hope and put one foot in front of the other when the curveball of life hits us in between the eyes.

But what about the times when nothing works? What then? What if we get to the end of the list of our coping skills and still feel anxious? What if we have prayed and cried and still feel sad. What if we took the dang walk and did the dang breathing and still feel like there’s an elephant on our chest? Did we fail? Are we not good at this “thriving not just surviving” thing? No.

No, dear friend, you haven’t failed if you’re still struggling. You’re human. You fought the good fight and haven’t given up. So no, you haven’t failed.

When I get to this place, I cling to the truth statement of “ride the wave”. There have been times when I’ve run out of chosen hope, chosen joy, and chosen strategies. And when I get to that point, I take a big breath and remind myself that whatever this weight is, it’ll pass. Whatever the struggle is, it’s temporary. I remember that even if I don’t feel it, I have to trust that the darkness doesn’t have the last word, Light does. And then, I breathe out and ride the wave.

I picture myself out in the ocean right past where the waves break and feel the wave lift me up as I breathe in and remind myself, “Just ride the wave” and then exhale as I picture the wave bringing me in. I do this as many times as I need until I feel like I have my head and heart settled. Does it fix it all? Nope. But it allows me to stop looking for ways to fix or fear the things I’m feeling and just trust that the feeling of overwhelm will pass. I can ride the wave and know that eventually, I’ll reach shore. I allow myself to accept that somethings aren’t fixable and I just have to ride the wave of uncertainty knowing that I won’t feel that way forever.

If your May feels overwhelming and busy, just breathe and ride the wave. If your kids are struggling and you know you can’t fix it for them, just ride the wave (and I recommend prayer and screaming into a pillow for this as well) and trust that their wave will pass too. If you’re grieving and you want it to be fixed but know in your soul it’s going to stick around for awhile, just breathe and ride the wave of grief, you may feel like you’re drowning, but God won’t let it overcome you.

Or if you’re just having a day and humanity feels too weighty, ride the wave. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be fixed, sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do for yourself is to stop thrashing around and just ride the wave knowing eventually you’ll reach shore.